Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
