Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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