I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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