Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
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He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
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I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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