It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Randomize
