So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
