Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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