I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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