My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
