i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
