6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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