U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
