As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
