How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
