Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
