i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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