Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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