and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
