Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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