Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
