Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
