WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
