Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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