Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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