I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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