I'm really into asian looking animals
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
