but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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