Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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