Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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