the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I fill condoms, not promises.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
