if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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