Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
