I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
