Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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