I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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