I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
