kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
