He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
