So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
