So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
