It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
