I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
