so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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