She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
