yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
