his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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