Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
