Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
