She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
