there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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