If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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