IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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