I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
