Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
