question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
