glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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