I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
