Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Never joke about your clitoris.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
