I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
