Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
