Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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