I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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