Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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