Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i've created a new STD.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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