it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
