tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
