For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
