Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
