So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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