I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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