You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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