last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We have so much sex to catch up on
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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