Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
