Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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