This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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