Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
