Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
