thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
