You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
